On the day of the mid-term elections, I happened to see a tweet that said, “OK women. Get out there and vote. Grab a white woman on the way.” I think the writer wanted to encourage people like me to keep “knocking on doors,” keep talking to people one-on-one, right up until the last vote was cast.
Then, as we say here in New England, “Dawn broke over Marblehead.” I realized, too late, the work I could have been doing these past two years. As a white woman who is befuddled and often angered by the numbers of white women who keep voting for the Republican regime, I need to step outside this progressive bubble I live in and find a white woman who is convinced the Republican party is keeping this country safe and headed in the right direction.
Then I need to work on developing enough of a relationship with this person that we talk often, and candidly, about the political issues of the day. That’s all. Just me and thee. Talking in person.
How do I find her? Not being swell at lasso making, the image of standing on a downtown corner and roping in white women until I got a good one seemed doomed. However, I might overhear a conversation in the corner store, where the cashier makes no bones about being pro-Trump and the butcher thinks the world went to pot the day women headed back to work. I’m thinking I can keep an eye on letters to the editor in our local paper, see if someone wants to convince readers how wrong-headed we progressives are about immigration and environmental regulation.
One-on-one with a stranger is much easier than verbally sparring with a relative or with a colleague we deal with every day at work. Factors like emotional history and the necessity of keeping an existing relationship strong can thoroughly derail disagreements about political positions.
On the other hand, thousands of stories have been written about the outright changes of heart that occur when one person approaches another as a stranger. When the stranger has an underlying sense of respect for the other, an honest desire to communicate, minds and feelings can take dramatic turns in new directions. (Nate Boyer’s influence on Colin Kaepernick comes to mind. See also my description of Daryl Davis’s work in the article on Emotional Privilege.)
Here’s another thing. Most people want to be good and do good things. When one person sits down for a chat with another, ideas that are good for us and good for others normally rise above those that are hateful, destructive or demeaning.
All we need are our own highly tuned listening and thinking skills. It doesn’t matter that I am only one person, that the hundreds of thousands of people needing help and support is beyond overwhelming. The history books are full of role models who focused on one person at a time.
So, I’m off to “grab a white woman.” I’ll let you know how that turns out. I hope you’ll join me and let me know how it goes for you.
Robert
November 15, 2018 5:25 pmI always find it more enlightening speaking with someone whose political (or other) opinions are different than mine. If one only speaks with other people who share their beliefs, one really doesnt learn anything.
Living in a Republican community, I find it easy to converse with my neighbors at the country club where they are relaxed and converse easily with me. Some are just too blinded by their prejudices, hate, upbringing, experiences, whatever to even consider even discussing another viewpoint. The more reasonable (or erudite) neighbors are open to discussion. I usually start such discussions by saying that unless one has a hidden or self-serving agenda, two people generally should be able to come to a general agreement about most political issues. After all, both sides want better health care, want secure borders, want more jobs, want a better economy, etc. It’s just a matter of degrees of difference between reasonable people as to how to get there.
I spent 3 1/2 hours on a plane from FL to Denver in September with an absolute full right-to-life who believed abortion was wrong under any and all circumstances. Father impregnates his prepubescent teenager; she cannot have an abortion. Woman’s life is in danger by carrying a baby; she cannot have an abortion. Woman is raped; she cannot have an abortion. After all, it is God’s will.
With such a person,obviously, there is no compromise and no real discussion. Nevertheless, I found it fascinating to understand how such a person with views so opposed to mine thinks. We laughed and enjoyed the discussion. She was unfortunately, woefully ignorant of many facts and her historical knowledge was also somewhat inaccurate. At one point, she asked if it bothered me that, I as I a lifelong atheist, would be spending eternity in hell and damnation. I calmly replied it was like a lottery. I was pretty sure that I had several millions of shots that she and her side were entirely delusional and wrong. And, I admitted, like the lottery, there might be one ticket out there with her version.
I was willing to take my chances. We left on good terms and bade each other a good evening.
Susan Anderson
November 16, 2018 3:01 pmI would have asked her what role empathy plays in shaping her belief system! Kudos for taking up the challenge, Rob. It’s so much part of who you are to welcome and even enjoy conversing with the diversity.